| scrap that. |
[Aug. 24th, 2009|01:04 am] |
I just had a thought, and what other place then LJ to rant.
So in my past, I have had many things that i believe i would take back. they are things which shape me the way i am now. Whoever reading, may it be me in a few months or the few who have LJ's, im not gunna list them as they are too many. Or i mean.. i wouldnt share them anyways... somethings just arent meant to be said... indefinitely... unless pressed to a point where it must. thats the truth.
Back on topic. So these "things" have really made me think... who are the people who i dearly trust and who i believe are the most genuine. To a degree... different people measure this characteristic in different ways. In my belief i feel that people that are truly honest are the most genuine. May it be in their appearance or choices of social interaction. I find that I truly cherish people who are selfless.. one hand for another and pretty much cut throat in honesty (if those even go together).
fuck the bullshit. I dont really care if someone is cool... i mean.. that news, this news... who cares. what truly inspires me is that mono - e mono. that i owe you a buck so im gunna pay you back a buck. That's what's missing in my world right now. what im really trying to get at is this: our culture is fucked up. People dont act the way others do. observers think some people do things the wrong way... although the actor believes he is doing the right. who is to judge? the majority? is that really fair?
What I learned from my past is this:I let things go, and sometimes... I felt like I should have set them straight. Its not my part in this world to solve or force something upon another.. but I was too lenient. Im saying I should have called people out more often. In some points of my life I felt confrontation was not the best way to solve. Now, I believe confrontation is the only way truth will be spoken. My past is clear, never forgotten. I didn't want to complain, and in the end... the result was what I BELIEVE to be disastrous. but that's my belief. I know I have my errors.
So be a good friend, and call them out.... if something annoys you: don't be a slave to friendship. thats called plastic- its like how we view movie stars. Except...in our culture we'd rather keep friends that are fake, rather than trying to change them the hard way. we just let them live the lives they want... in hollywood with rainbows, butterflies, and unicorns. donald duck, goofy, mickey mouse.
But enough with this serious "thought." I leaving to san diego in a week. hopefully i can venture upon a job which will lead toward future success. I've been having this lucky intuitionin the past few weeks. and my life has been healthy and goal oriented. what more can i ask for?
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| Update |
[Oct. 13th, 2008|10:30 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | HEARTLESS- KANYE[leak] | ] |
I want to reach a point where i can balance everything out. Its too fuckin hard. Homework is killer, reading like no other. I can't focus, what the hell is wrong with me?
I think i need to spend my time much more wisely, college is full of damn surprises. Classes are fine, but its tooo effin busy. ALL I WANT TO DO IS SLEEP.
Alright theres my complaint sections.
Well... so whats really up with my life? I think everything is going smoothly. College is crazy, people are so damn smart.. i needa catch up with them all the time. I have yet to GO SHOP FOR GROCERIES. Freaking im so lazy. I picked up skateboarding. Yeah niggggaa.... its chill. My roommates are pretty cool. im never in my dorm so... i guess i have no problems with them. I guess i just need to program everything into my mind.
Starting with sleeping earlier.... I cant function... I wonder how i did this senior year. I realized though... some people stay in their high shcool mode. I can tell who the people are that stay in their own little world. I just wanna smack a frickin hard drive into their heads with all the necessitities on how to survive in college. Im not doing perfect myself... but i cant see some people living their lives in college for 4 years.
So what do i need to do?
I need to state my claim, stick up the grounds and warrant my argument cause nigggaaa.... this is basic.
College is forreal.
check it, kanye's CD better be something more than an autotuner... cause his songs are getting repetitive. But other then that im lookin forward to november.
O yeah... im coming home on thanksgivin day. So bitches lets party. |
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| The best of the worst. |
[Sep. 28th, 2008|03:42 pm] |
| [ | music |
| | lyricks/manifest | ] |
To our sacred little society. LJer's for life.
The story of college has not been more real in my life. I too have been moved by the experience. no. The passage in which we call college. I have been through so much and met so many different people. I believe the first few weeks will determine who you are, and I can truly see who i am. Through a MEDLEY of music and people i have been transformed.
Yes, the partying has been great; but only a few things have really changed me. Number one, i too have lost my wallet. And in this world, i believe there truly are kind and decent people in this world. It was not the fact that the 400$ dollars in there was still in tact, or that he was a nice guy. It was the fact that In my perspective people DO do things for the greater good.
Yes, i got my wallet back with all my money still in tact. I thanked him... i offered him rewards. "I only want you to do the same as i have done for you" I took those words in and accepted them as a way of life. I mean, after i have moved to southern california, i realized one thing, people are nicer down here. Being G as we called it is just a fake front, Norcal is where home is at, but here in san diego... home is just a door away.Acceptance is easily acquired. and i love it.
Experience number two has been what i call a wake up call. Four days into my dorm experience, I had got bitten by the harsh reality of what college can dish out on you. I feel like shit. Not only had i been unfairly tried, I had no way to defend myself. I was in a crowded dorm common room and alcohol had been distributed. I had had an okay night the night before so i was fine, i didnt drink anything. People around me were collapsing on the floor, you know, the usual. The door opens, the residence agent comes in and the whole crowd turned silent. The lady officer started to take down names, and i cant believe what happened.
She wrote down names, took ID cards and i happened to be one of the few who had been interrogated. I was fine, i was confident in my speech and i didnt reek of any alcohol. But life is cruel and indiscriminate. My name was put down and she stopped, half the room was fine and myself +a few others had been caught. She said, that was all. So in the end, half of the room had gotten away free, no rap, no nothing. I was left pissed as hell being the only sober person who got written up. fuck life.
Experience #3
Music. Music has never hit me harder. all i can say is that Lyricks/ Manifest-concert= the craziest event ever. Introduced me to meaningful rap. I haven't such deep lyrics since..... ever.
Deliver me-Lyricks
Scarred-Lyricks(the story of this song is sad as fuck. Just a quick shout out: its about the dead who lie dead in Uganda, when Lyricks went to go visit. the atrocity which occurs everyday.)
Gift-Manifest
Again-Lyricks/manifest |
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| At peace. |
[Aug. 22nd, 2008|01:00 am] |
| [ | music |
| | ROCKSTAR- rkelly/others. | ] |
Dear Lj'ers.
To those who post religiously and those who graze through the text and occasionally put in their problems and ideals; I can surely say, that i find comfort in this lil corner of the internet. So, I'm going to check this thang here and there and hopefully it won't DIE.
Walter Lin.
So whats been happening in my life? A whole deal. It may seem im just at home maybe playing video games. That may be true at the wee hours of the night. and the afternoon-CAUSE IM SLEEPING. But I guess i've been doing a whole lot of exploring. Its aright at times. But i can surely say, that people have habits that won't be broken. I always seem to do thing -a certain way, but through this summer i guess i've drifted from the norm. Its like music, I'm a ghetto rap fiend/ AN R&B gazer/ [a tad bit] streamline rocker. I dunno. I guess what s happening in my life can be justified through what i listen to IN THIS ORDER:
I wake up and i start the day with a jog, what do i blast? HAPPY INDUSTRIES-Gorillaz .
Im as sweaty as peter cownan(sp?) after he played basketball in TAYLOR to remedy this- i need to shower. I turn the computer back on and FEEL the MAGIC- Robin Thicke.
I get dressed, another ordinary day-MR ORDINARY- Steph Jones.
But you know on those other days, i gotta dress to impress i gotta wear DAT NEW NEW- Kid Kudi.
On Tuesdays and Fridays i have work, and hell, if i rode a bike to work i wouldn't HANDLEBARS- Flobots
But i have a car ya'll know what killbrae is all about, top of your lungs- ASIAN PRIDE-tie my shoe?
Cant forget that FAMILY BUSINESS- Kanye West.
And seldomly i gotta sneak sumtin sumtin, yupp YOU GOT ME- One Block Radius.
And dinner has gotta end with a BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY(remix'd)- the VERVE/JAY Z
Late Nights with the crew, You Know i gotta PUT ON-Young Jeezy
Sweet dreams of MS HILL-Talib Kweli
Well that was fun. I guess i brought back some old and some new. but w.e. Some highlights of my summer. I dont think this has yet to be completed though. i think im going to make an actual list though. not this stupid story mode type of thing haha. |
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| I put on for my city. |
[Aug. 11th, 2008|07:33 pm] |
How can I say this, its time to break free and accept that within a month your gunna make new friends. Your gunna forget almost everything you grew up with. And all the people as well. Your family and close friends are whats. So when is this epic party going to spur up and everyone get reunited before we leave? There isnt any, its a simple fact that if you dont put your hand out no one else is going to.
You know when you cross a person you know, and your to afraid to say "hey, i know you?" and you wait for that someone to greet you first? And you just walk by casually, just wishing in the corner of the eye that they would respond? haha. its funny. People always believing that rejection is the harshest thing that they could ever come upon. So what was all that fear about? I guess nothing now. But more importantly it was that fear, the fear of anything can kill someone.
I try to conjure up reasoning, at what age do people stop fearing acceptance. At all ends people don't. It is all around them, people believe the social hierarchy within the right group is what makes them feel good inside. As a human, we were built upon these ethics, that people could be stepped over and people can be considered celebrities. So what makes acceptance.. well... acceptable? Family, Friends, and Loved Ones. They accept you. Above all the stupid things you do, they'll take you in for who you are. So what about everyone else? Everyone else is non existent.
Man has one enemy himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What I've come to learn is to chill out. Haha. And rules dont apply when your a G. at all other times, chill out man.
now some of the most used terms ever USED IN MY LIFE THAT ANNOYS me: [used during summer 2008]
"What are we gunna do after?"
"Who's going?"
"Im bored as fuck"
"I can't make it."
I'm fine with people who say these things. It's just people that don't do anything about it and scream this to the top of their lungs that annoy me. |
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| soul deception. |
[Jul. 25th, 2008|02:50 pm] |
I gotta say, this summer has been pretty surprising, lots of things i've never expected. Gotta say that yeah, millbrae isn't allthat bad that its made out to be. Reppin the bay, havin my fun, workin my ass off. I guess im gunna have a more chill time for now till orientation. Last Post: was, make it let me clear a vent. I had my talk with davy shin. What a freakin religious guy. But yeah, i got something put into my head, that you always need that one person to put you back into check. Someone has always got to be there, someone to talk to. Friends or w.e. there is no easy way out... you just gotta make your troubles known. Stress free baby. But yeah... when ya'll be chillin remember there are no troubles in Millbrae, dont make uhm yourself- then and only then you'll be fools.
and yeah man, I NEED you to write in my yearbook. G-dub. And when you get back... i gotta see you more mang. this secret life aint workin out mang. Softball time. |
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| Words of choice. |
[Jul. 20th, 2008|12:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  satisfied | ] |
| [ | music |
| | It's Mine-Mobb Deep feat. Nas | ] |
"You shall love your neighbor as yourself"
I wont take action, im a bigger man then that. Lieing is bad, i try not to lie... But some people really get me, fake people... ass holes. PRICKS. I don't like how people can not see them for who they truely are. I just want to tell people sometimes... yeah that person is just a fuckin PRICK// asshole// i dunno. I guess assholes see others in different ways, and they think of themselves too highly to believe thats wrong[favoritism rules]. People are blinded sided ,to how those people treat them[ their front, their favoritism at work], and they dont see how they treat others around them. There is fault. Unruly injustice gone without repercussions. I undoubtley know they suffer though, karma does hit them back, their lives are miserable and they live like lonely souls. But you know what, they choose that path for themselves. They think they are higher, better people, smarter. Thats all fake, in the end we know those were all lies. I hate people like this. And for my own mind i can only say, good riddens. Have fun, no pity will be received by me. I mean i've treated you well... you have your reasons but i can honestly say.... your ideals and morals are all wrong. Your going no where in life and karma will haunt you. Have your problems, you deserve them. I have done everything in my will to be friends with you. Your intolerance will not be missed.
This by the way is NOT directed to larry.
Larry, i didnt get to say this to you upfront but ima miss you man. somewhere i gotta put this down. May our pathes cross again.
PS- I never hate, just that i write my feelings in this weblog... to vent... I mean... im a bigger man then that.. i dont hold grudges... ill treat people with respect till i die... I wont change this moral. |
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| lovin that double post. |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|08:31 pm] |
o ariiiighhht. coming back for the double post. thats how I do. one in the AM's and one in the PM's. I dunno why i wanna post, im just hella tired. I been tired everyday, everyminute, everysecond of the past few weeks. I been sleeping on the edge, i almost forgot bout a green light today haha. SO i just gotta ask.. how the helll do you gus get so much sleep? frickin A.
Masu was good today. I ate fricking atleast 3 tiger rolls... frikin stupidly.. o well haha. i was so full im full now... its been like 7 hours. i slept all day. haha it feels good. i can still sleep. |
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| late nights. |
[Jul. 16th, 2008|02:25 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Put on- young jeezy feat. kanye | ] |
Gunna miss these late nights.
Im gunna miss it when i have control of every single aspect of my life.
Im gunna miss it when i look back and say i have no regrets.
Im gunna look back and think, damn.
Just DAMN.
Im gunna miss sleeping in class.
Im gunna miss sleeping in kumon.
Im gunna miss sleeping while standing.
good times.
I already miss everybody. I guess mills was the only way we could hold together. Now that we are gone, i dont see EVERYBODY. But hey, I got thursday night to look forward too. HOT DIGGITY.\\\\\\ |
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| sweet memories |
[Jul. 8th, 2008|12:36 am] |
| [ | music |
| | Black Republican- Nas | ] |
I cannot believe i just studied a total of 10 hours today. This brings me back, back to the days when grades were important when i finally realized what im battling for. I got my eyesight in line, my crosshairs on the dot, moeny baby. I got 9 chapters down and am pumped the hell up. What am i talking about? Im talking about that feeling when you know you are gunna freaking rape that mid term thats gunna cut the weak out of the water. I mean, do or die, i put up my fight and now i will reape the benefits. As Donny told me the other day, "its not Second semester senior year anymore." it hit me, we have a fresh new start, a new test a new battle a whole new monster. I say conquer it, take it for its all its worth and have fun in doing so. High school is of the past, studying? what the hell do we know what studying is, studying is partying everyday of the week and studying 10 hours the last day man. SHOOOT. I got a messed up mentality to think that i can survive this way the rest of my life. but hey its fun, im dedicated, resourceful... and damn... its workin. I mean how can i just back off now i got something in me, im ready for college. I dont want to leave millbrae quite yet though. I hit a divot the other day, an all time low, but its cool now i mean. I just got some crazy new ideas in my head o well.
peace. love. no haters please. late. |
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